


The Weight Is Gone

by Beacon_Kathleen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, plus size reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:12:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18393689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beacon_Kathleen/pseuds/Beacon_Kathleen
Summary: Dean and Y/N are friends with benefits, but no one ever said that didn’t come without its complications.





	1. Chapter 1

When you first met Dean he was full of life and you knew instantly that you were in love with him. After everything that he had seen and been through he was still confident and loved living life. After you joined the brothers on a hunt and became an unofficial trio, you fell even harder for him. Then one night after too many shots of whiskey, you guys fell into bed. In the morning you were afraid that he was going to say that he was drunk and that he regretted what happened between the two of you or even worse that it was a mistake. You were in the middle of sneaking out of his room when he woke up.  
“Where you sneaking off to sweetheart?”  
“Oh I figured you were going to sleep in so I just wanted to let you sleep.”  
“I thought you were sneaking out, can we talk about what happened?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, what if this was something that happened between us?” You felt your heart swell about three sizes, it was finally happening. “No strings attached, just something that happens when we’re a little stir crazy.” Your heart instantly fell to your toes and you felt tears sting behind your eyes, but nevertheless you nodded in agreement.  
—  
“Where’s Dean?” You asked Sam as he was coming down the bunker steps.  
“He chose to stay and drink at the bar.”  
“Oh, I was hoping that he would come home with you. I made him apple pie and we have beer here, but I guess he needed some time for himself.”  
“Y/N you know you can just tell him that you like him right? I doubt that he would be against it.”  
“Sam, you know there is no way that he feels the same way about me right? Plus what we have now is fine. It works out fine for us its not like-“ Your interrupted from your speech that you recite to yourself every day when you hear a door slam and hear someone giggling. Dean is coming down the stairs with a blonde Top Model extra. “Oh hey guys,’ he slurred, ‘this is Rachel. Rachel Sammy and Y/N.”  
“Sam.” Sam corrected with a wave.   
“I’m gonna work on an excuse to not be here.” You say looking down at your feet. “Sam the pie is cooling and in 20 minutes you should be able to eat it.” With one last glance in his direction you head off to your room.  
—  
The next morning after a deep dive into your secret stash of comfort food and movies, you’ve talked yourself out of your feelings you’re feeling like yourself again. You’re standing in the kitchen and both boys seem to still be asleep and “Rachel” is no where in sight. You’re busy getting some bowls down deciding that pancakes are the perfect food to prepare you for running into her if she was still in the bunker and for Deans hangover. You’re so caught up in mixing ingredients that you didn’t hear Dean coming up behind you, it wasn’t until a hand snuck into your back pocket and turned you around that you noticed he was in the kitchen with you and also he surprised you with a kiss. “Love waking up to a woman in the kitchen sweetheart” he mumbled into your neck.   
“Ummm… wow. Good morning” you said aloud to the ceiling and tried to get out of Deans arms. It proved to be a little difficult, but after one last squeeze he let you go. You cleared your throat and your face was as red as a tomato when you asked, “What was that about?”  
Dean shrugged before answering, “Nothing specific. Just needed it. We cool?” He was pouring a cup of coffee as if he had just asked you how you had slept.  
“Yeah of course… Why wouldn’t we be? Where’s your guest? Will she be joining us so breakfast or should I just pack her a plate to go?” You didn’t mean for it to come out as cruel as it sounded, but you needed to put some space between the Dean that walked in through the door last night and the Dean drinking coffee in front of you.  
“Her? Oh she left last night… so its just you me and Sammy.”  
“Oh.. great.”  
—  
This went on for months, through hunts and down time at the bunker. Sometimes Dean would sleep with you and others he would come home with other women. These were the nights that you tried to not take it personally, those were the nights that you wished you didn’t exist. Didn’t see him. Didn’t love him. Why did Dean have to sleep with other women when you didn’t need anyone but him? You were both hunters, you knew that a house with a white picket fence and two and a half kids was never in the cards, but many hunters that had been able to build a life together, why couldn’t you? You were willing to suffer through it, because he wasn’t ready yet. Dean needed more time. Dean was going to realize that things between you two could be so good that he might actually love you back. You could see it in the way his eyes shined when you had a movie night, when he came back from a difficult hunt to find you had made his favorite pie, in the way he could make you gasp when you fell into bed together. “He’s going to come around Sam, just you wait.” Those were your famous last words before it all went to shit.


	2. Chapter 2

You should have known better. You should have seen it coming. The week before the other shoe fell was the best week you had had in your life. Dean drove you across the country to a concert and the drive back took longer than it should have because you stopped in motels of shitty towns and visited local hotspots. One night he parked baby in an open field and you spent all night gazing at the stars. You opened up to him in a way that you never had before. He told you all of his fears, things that had plagued him since he went to get Sam from Stanford. “He could have been happy with her. I took him away from the one thing he always wanted because I couldn’t keep dad safe.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Sam, he was doing fine at Stanford, I was in the bar that night. I knew that he had the interview, I knew that he was going to get into law school and find a way to leave dad and I behind, but I acted like I didn’t know. I still broke into his apartment and dragged him into hunting all over again.”  
“Dean you can’t blame yourself for that’ you turned your body to look at him, ‘Sam is happy with us too. Things have calmed down and he’s happy. What happened with Jess and your dad was horrible but it’s not your fault.”  
“I just feel like I’ve never been enough for him.”   
“You’re enough you’re more than enough.”  
Dean turned to look at you then, “You always know what to say sweetheart.” He smiled and while it didn’t fully reach his eyes, he still looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. You woke up the next morning wrapped up in his arms and the sun peeking through the trees, a perfect end to the week. That should have been your first clue.  
—  
Coming back to the bunker Sam gave you a knowing look after hugging his brother and you felt a heavy weight settle above your heart. “How was the trip?” Sam asked after Dean had left to shower.  
“Good. Really good, I think he might actually ask me.”  
“You think so?”  
“Yeah the whole week was good. Last night we fell asleep under the stars and he told me some stuff. He never opens up to anyone and he did it with me. I think he might actually love me back!” You giggled into your cup of coffee face red as a beet. Sam chuckled but looked happy for the both of you.  
—  
As per usual Winchester tradition after more than 48 hours apart the brothers needed to spend time together and you let them. You had been very close with your sister before she had died, so you let the boys go out. You had assumed that the night would be spent drinking beer and playing pool, “no chick flick moments.” It was gonna be a long night for the both of them so you went to bed thinking about what the best hangover food would be for the next morning. When you finally woke up you did not expect to see Sam standing in the kitchen with a worried look on his face. Sam rarely woke before you and if he looked worried something was wrong. “What happened? Is there a case? Is something wrong with Dean? Did you two run into trouble when you went out last night?”  
“No Y/N relax. No one is hurt… I just wanted to prepare you for whats about to happen.”  
“Whats going on?”  
“Dean didn’t come home last night.”  
“Then how are you sure nothing is wrong Sam!?”  
“He told me at the bar to not wait up. Y/N, I just want you to be okay. I know that you and Dean just came back from that trip and that you felt that something was really there.”  
“Well we’re friends and friends tell each other secrets, we just have the added benefit that we sleep with each other sometimes that doesn’t mean he promised me we would be exclusive. I’ve known this.’ You push past him and start pacing, ‘Do you want waffles? I could make you waffles or muffins or both? I’m gonna make both, you’re a big boy-man and you need food.” You could feel your heart down in your toes and a twenty pound weight on your chest took its place.  
“Y/N, what are you talking about?”  
“Food Sam! Do you want food!” You yelled making him even more confused. You pushed past him into the kitchen. You started opening cupboards looking for bowls and ingredients, needing something to distract you from the stinging behind your eyes. If you turned to look at Sam and his puppy dog eyes you would start crying and it was not the time to be breaking down.  
You were busy mixing ingredients and making a mess of the kitchen when Dean and a woman were walking down the steps of the bunker, “Your sounds are making my head angry, but the smell in here is making my stomach happy. What’s going on in here?”  
“Y/N is making waffles and muffins.” Sam said shooting Dean a questioning look.  
“Also bacon and eggs.” You quip from behind the fridge door.  
“Oh bacon sounds good!’ Deans guest quips and you turn to look at the new voice, ‘I’m Vanessa” she offers with a wave.  
“Well muffins should be ready in 2 minutes and let them cool for five before you eat them. They’re banana nut. It was nice meeting you Vanessa.” You wave at the room in general and head to your room, but nod before you hear, “Who was that? You guys have a chef?”  
“No she’s our friend” Sam starts to say defensive when Dean interrupts him and just says “Roommate.”  
—  
The next week feels never ending and like a blur all at once. It doesn’t matter where you try to hide in the bunker you can still hear Vanessas laugh or the deep rumble of Deans voice. You end up staying in your room. You can’t hear Dean or Vanessa in there and you know you don’t have to run into them. When you finally work up the nerve to leave your room, a week and a half has passed and its 4 am. You’re in the kitchen dumping all of the empty cups and plates of food that Sam had brought you. You’re surprised when a set of hands sneak around your waist. “What the fuck?”  
You turn and see Dean smirking at you, “Hey sweetheart.” He greets you with a kiss and now you’re even more confused.  
“Uh, hey?”  
“I missed you” he’s moved down to your neck at this point and you’re losing your train of thought.  
“What do you mean? Ive been here all week, we’ve been here all week.”  
“Not the same, I missed you.” You’re trying to figure out where this change in attitude came from. You want to bring up the fact that he ignored you, that he’s the one running around with Vanessa, thats he’s the one that pushed you away and yet you don’t. “Want to take this to my room?” You nod yes, "he still wants me", you think, "he can still have me and we can still be something".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing and then this happened.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN! I love this song and this chapter just happened... but also not a lot happens. Let me know what you think!

_Every time you tell me that you need a change  
But you could never stay away  
You know you break my heart  
Every time you leave_  
“It’s not cheating. It wasn’t cheating. I’m not helping him cheat.” You repeated over and over again as you stripped the sheets off the bed. Dean had gone into your room again last night and once again he was gone before you woke up. Over the past few weeks the weight that had appeared over your chest seemed to get heavier. It was only when he was gone that you felt like you could truly breathe. When he was out with Vanessa and would show up the next morning you slept soundly.  
“Hey Y/N, Dean is out tonight I was wondering if you wanted to go out and eat for a change.” Sam asked from the entrance of the laundry room.   
“Yeah sounds like a plan.  
—  
 _Everyone knows the things you do  
All of the grief you put me through_  
You and Sam had ended up at a bar. You figured that a diner would open you up to too much conversation with Sam and nothing beats greasy bar food when you’re battling inner demons. “This is the best time I’ve had out in a while! Sammy please remind me why we haven’t done this sooner and more often.”  
“I dunno Y/N, You just seemed really busy dealing with Dean.”  
“Oh my god! I am way too sober for this! Please tell me you have not heard anything and don’t know anything.  
“You know your room isn’t that far from mine and Dean isn’t really quiet when he leaves in the morning either. You’re just a heavy sleeper I guess.” He said rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Sam, listen, I know that what we’re doing is wrong. I know that I shouldn’t be okay with being his other woman. I shouldn’t be doing this to Vanessa because I’m sure she’s a great person,’ you stopped to roll your eyes, ‘or else Dean wouldn’t be with her. So please don’t bring any of that up.”  
“I’m not defending my brother because what he is doing is so wrong, but Y/N are you sure this isn’t going to come back and bite you in the ass. I know how you feel about Dean and I know that you’ve felt this way for a while.”  
“It really can’t get worse than it currently is.” You take a big drink from your beer, “It’s not like Dean to be hung up on a girl like this and I really don’t want him to be unhappy. He deserves it, even if it’s not with me.”  
“You really think he’s happy with her?”  
“Yeah Sam, why else would he still be bringing her around? Don’t you hear them when they’re over. It doesn’t matter where you are in the bunker you can hear him talking and her laugh everywhere. It echos off of all the walls!”  
“Your words say that you’re okay with it but your tone says you’re jealous.” Sam said through a series of laughs. “Y/N just think about it, if he was happy, truly happy with her would he still be coming around to your room at night?”   
You didn’t have an answer for that so you brushed it off. “Whatever Sam. Wanna see me kick your ass on darts?” He nodded taking the distraction and standing up to play.  
—  
“Sammy! Y/N’ Dean yelled as he entered the bunker.  
“We’re both here! Where is the fire?” You asked coming out of your room, seeing Sam coming out of the library.   
“I caught wind of a case and was wondering if you wanted to come with me?” He asks looking directly at you.  
“Yeah, Sam and I could go, why not?”  
“No I thought it could be just us? It looks like a simple salt and burn.”  
“Are you asking for permission to take Y/N and leave me here?”  
“What do you say sweetheart?” Dean asks looking at you again.  
“Uh, sure? Why not?”  
“Fine by me.” Sam stated before walking away.  
“I’ll pack a bag and we can leave in 10?” You walked back into your room and started packing, purposely avoiding what Dean asking you on a hunt alone meant. A simple hunt, you’ve done it before and you could totally do it. When you walked into the garage, the car was already on and you hopped in and he drove off. After a couple of hours on the road you decided to break the silence, “What did you tell your lady love to explain your absence?” You didn’t mean for it to come out so sarcastic, but it was too late to take it back.  
Dean laughed before he responded, “Told her I’d be gone for a couple days. She didn’t ask any questions.”  
You nodded before you changed the subject, “Who tipped you onto this case?”  
“I saw it on the news and thought it was worth checking out.”  
That was strange, first of all Dean didn’t really watch the news and he usually offered a lot more information than that. “Okay? How many people has the ghost attacked? Do we even know where the body is? Do you have a name so I can start looking into where the body is buried?”  
“God Y/N you really aren’t going to make this easy are you!” Dean yelled suddenly.  
“I’m sorry? I’m just trying to know how much work we have cut out for us.” His grip was almost white on the steering wheel, but the car was slowing down and moving to the side of the road, “Dean what are you do-“  
“There’s no case!’ He interrupts you, ‘I wanted an excuse to take you out and I knew that if I brought up a case you would come and Sam would be okay staying home.”  
“Dean I don’t think this is such a good idea… you have Vanessa and she’s waiting for you. What’s been happening between us has never been okay, but this is a new level.”  
The car was completely stopped now and Dean was sitting a lot closer than before. The steering wheel abandoned. “Y/N, look at me.” You turned to look at him and he took your face into his hands, “I just want another few days with you, like last time. Sweetheart I have missed you so much these past few days, I just want to hear your laugh again.”  
“Dean-“ you started to object and his face fell. You couldn’t finish your sentence. You sighed and nodded yes. There was no way that you would deny Dean anything that would make him happy and that is why loving him is tearing you apart.  
The “hunt” was great. The whole week you and Dean hung out like old times and even had sex a couple of times. This time, however, you got to wake up to him every morning. Everyone he met he introduced you as his girl and that made your heart flutter, it was really easy to pretend that this was the norm, until the end of the week. Vanessa called and the perfect picture you had built for yourself shattered. You weren’t with Dean and he was sticking around for whatever reason. When you heard him answer the phone you stood up from the motel bed and started to pack knowing that when he came back he would ask to head back to the bunker, real life was calling. “You’re okay, you’re okay. Don’t cry, don’t cry.” You whispered as you felt the tears spill over, zipping your duffle shut you ran into the bathroom and tried to get your emotions under control.   
“Y/N? Are you ready to head back?”  
You wiped at your eyes one more time and hoped that they weren’t too red. “Yeah just give me a minute to finish up in here.” You called back.  
—  
You gave Sam one nod before rushing past him when you arrived at the bunker. He turned to look at Dean confused and Dean just shrugged in response. “I’m heading out Sammy. I should be back tomorrow morning though.” Sam looked down in disappointment and nodded.  
“You know you deserve better and he isn’t going to stop.” Sam said leaning on the wall next to your door.  
You put the shirt you were holding down, “I know Sam, but even the small moments I have with him make it worth it. I love him.” You turned to look at him with tears making your eyes shine.   
Sam pushed himself off of the wall and walked across the room to give you a hug. “I know Y/N and I am so sorry that he is doing this to you.”  
“Every time I’m with him the weight in my chest gets heavier. Every time I think about how I am helping him fuck over Vanessa. She doesn’t deserve it Sam. I’m a monster, but can I tell you something?”  
“Sure.” He said squeezing you tighter.  
“Every time he’s gone and I look back at the time we spent together… it feels like I can finally breathe.”  
—  
 _Everyone knows that we're a lie_  
You're just afraid to say goodbye  
Every time you leave  
Feels like the weight is gone  
Feels like the weight is gone


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry in advance. There is a slight boundary issue in the middle... if you're not comfy reading it. Stay Safe and avoid it. It will be in bold.

“Oops sorry!” You say as you crash into a body. You quickly realize that it’s Vanessa and start walking even faster back to your room.  
“Hey, its Y/N right?”  
You stop and turn around, “Yeah, hi. Vanessa.” You wave awkwardly.  
“Listen, we haven’t had a chance to talk and mainly I think it’s that this place is so big, but I just wanted to say thanks for being so inviting and keeping Dean alive with all of your cooking. Your lasagna the other day was really good.” She took a step towards you and gave you a hug.  
“It’s really no big deal? I’ve always liked cooking and it’s really nice to have someone to cook for. It helps that both Sam and Dean eat enough food to feed a small army.”  
“Yeah I’ve seen,’ she laughs, ‘Well it was really nice seeing you and I hope we can get along better in the future.” She hugs you again and starts walking back to Deans room. You’re standing in the middle of the hallway confused and on the verge of a panic attack. She really thinks that you and Dean are just friends and in a messed up way she is right. Dean has never hinted at wanting anything from you other than sex. You shook your head as if to rid yourself of the thought and walked back into your room. After spending some time in your room bored out of your mind you decided to look for Sam to see if he could offer any entertainment.  
“Hey Sammy, are you busy?” You asked as you pushed his door open.   
Sam looked up from his computer, “Hey Y/N. Whats going on?” You took off your shoes and moved to sit next to him on his bed, “Dean is here with his girl again and I’m bored.”  
“Is she the reason for the boredom?”  
“No just trying to avoid her and frying my brain on the internet is not the best way to spend my time. I need human interaction.”  
Sam laughed, “Want to watch a movie with me? It still fries your brain, but you get to watch it with company.” He shrugged.  
“Yeah lets do it.” He nods and starts the movie. After the movie is over you head into the kitchen and get snacks for you and Sam and start another. This continues until you both fall asleep. You wake up around 2 am uncomfortably hot, Sams arm was around your waist and his hair tickling your neck. You push his arm off of you, close the laptop, and start heading in the direction of your room.  
You felt as if you had just fallen asleep when you start feeling a hand brushing your hair back. “What?”  
“Shh, hey sweetheart it’s just me” Dean whispered.  
“Whats going on?”  
“Missed you, wanted to see if I could sleep with you” and you feel your heart stop in your chest. Dean had always made you feel special even when you knew that he was just using you, but this was a new low, he had never made you feel like a thing. Sensing your panic he rephrased what he said, “Not like that, just really wanna sleep. With you. Just cuddle.”  
 **You nodded yes and lifted the blankets so he could get under. Once he got settled you turned to look at him. “Did Vanessa leave?” Dean doesn’t immediately answer and kisses you instead. “Dean? Did she leave?”  
“No,’ he nuzzles your neck, ‘she’s in my room, but it’s not the same. You’re better, always better’ and he moves to kiss you again. This shouldn’t be happening, it’s not fair. Vanessa really believes that you and Dean are friends and while you may love him with all of your heart Dean does not deserve to have two women at his beck and call. You try to push him away and he pushes against you even harder. His kisses get more fierce and his hands are skirting on the bottom of your top, “Dean we really should not be doing this.” He ignores you in favor of sucking a hickie on your neck. “Dean?” He mumbles something along the lines of ‘every things fine’ and starts pushing your shirt up. “Dean stop!” You yell pushing at his shoulder and jumping out of the bed as best you could. Your leg gets caught on the blanket and you fall face first on the floor but at least you’re away from Dean. “Dean this isn’t okay and you need to go!” You’re almost hysterical now and on the verge of tears. Dean is looking at you confused not quite sure of what is going on, before he can say something to you Sam rushes into the room gun out ready to shoot.**  
“What’s going on in here Y/N are you okay?” You run to Sam with tears already streaming down your face and hug him. “Dean did you do this to her?” Sam demands.  
“I didn’t do anything Sammy, just came to talk to Y/N and things got out of hand.”Sam turns to look at you, “Is that true Y/N?”  
“Kinda, he said he wanted to sleep with me and that was okay, but it’s not okay. Not what he was trying to do.” That was when Sam spotted the love bite on your neck and suddenly he was furious. “Go to my room okay? I’ll meet you there in a little bit I’m just gonna talk to Dean.”  
—  
“What the hell Dean! What were you thinking!?”  
“Sam I’m sorry I just can’t control myself around her. I thought it was okay and that she was okay with what was happening, but I was wrong. I took it too far and I owe her an apology.”  
“You owe her more than that Dean. Your girlfriend is still here! She is less that 50 feet away and you thought Y/N would be okay with you having sex with her. You need to pick one or the other because the way that you’re treating both of them is not fair. Pick one and make sure you’re making the right choice because Y/N wont forgive you easily, especially after tonight.” Sam gave his brother one final look before heading back into his room.  
—  
You spent the night in Sams room and when you woke up in the morning you were dreading running into Dean again. You heard a soft knock on the door, “Who?”  
“It’s me.” Sam said walking slowly into the room. “Wanted to check in and see if you slept well. I know that what happened last night must have been scary and that you probably don’t want to see Dean right now.”  
“Yeah, is he here?”  
“Actually he was out before I even woke up today. He took Vanessa with him. I talked to him last night and I hope that he made the right decision.”  
“What did you tell him?”  
“I told him that it’s not fair to you or Vanessa to have you on retainer for when he gets bored. I told him that he needed to pick one of you. I know I must have over stepped a little because I know you love him Y/N but if you aren’t going to be his only choice maybe it’s time for you to move on. For your sake.”  
“You’re right Sam… It’s going to be hard, but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m hiding from a woman in my own home and no one should live like that.” He gives you a hug before heading out of the room.  
—  
The rest of the morning was fairly silent and you mostly did chores and processed what had happened the night before. Sure Dean may have not meant to hurt you, but he did and you were going to have to talk to him about it. As soon as you had made that decision Dean walked into the bunker. “Hey Y/N, can we talk?”  
You put down the book you had just picked up, “Yeah sure. What about?”  
“Not here… wanna grab a bite with me so we can talk.” You knew that he was nervous to be talking in the bunker when Sam was here and that food would make it easier for both of you to talk about your feelings. “Sure let me just grab a jacket.”  
—   
The car ride was silent. You didn’t talk when he arrived at the diner, didn’t talk when you ordered your food and didn’t talk when the waitress brought you your coffee. You didn’t know where to start and you also wanted an apology. You were staring at your coffee until Dean cleared his throat. “I wanted to start by saying that I’m sorry about what I did last night and that I am no longer with Vanessa.”  
“Were you ever really with her?” You bite back before taking a drink from your coffee.  
“No I guess not. I can’t say that we were in a relationship when the entire time I was thinking about being with you instead.” You look up when you hear that, “I thought that if I separated the two, me wanting to be in a relationship with you and what worked well, us being friends with benefits, I wouldn’t hurt you. I know that this life we chose doesn’t come with a lot of happiness and when you finally find it something always manages to ruin it. I didn’t want to admit to myself that me and you could be something because that would make it real and if its real that means someone can use it against me. All of that doesn’t matter in the long run though, because I ended up being the person that ruined it, I lost you and broke your trust all in one night.”  
“Dean,’ you sigh, ‘I love you okay? I love you so much that I was willing to be your other woman just to have something with you, but I don’t know if I can forgive you for what happened last night. You’ve never treated me like that and it scared me.”  
“Y/N I’m so sorry for the way that I acted last night and I want you to know that it will never happen again. Sweetheart I would die before I let anything bad happen to you and if you’re willing, I’d like a chance to prove it to you.


End file.
